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Sunday, November 30th, 2008
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Despite the fact today didn't work out as planned...at all, I can at least say I had a wonderful weekend with someone I absolutely adore. I am happy and faithful that things will continue in their positive direction.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Thursday, November 13th, 2008
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Yesterday was a rather eventful day. I never dabbled in drinking during the day, but I have recently. In a sense this was a good thing. For the event later in the night I was able to hold onto my nerves. Honestly, I didn't think I would be a winner.
But there I sat, with my support staff: Matt my friend, Sandra my Manager, and Jake my director, waiting for the names be called, and I am among them. Associate of the Month. There were two winners for back and front of the house, and I was selected for back. It was quite an honor and they were semi-generous on the gifts. Anyone can appreciate a bit of extra money in their pocket.
There was a bit of drama before the celebrating, in which I do take responsibility for but never was there malicious intent behind the screw up. After some yelling, arguing, and tears, it was resolved (really, we just didn't talk about it anymore and let it lie because there was no going back in time).
After 'celebrating', I'm exhausted, my body hurts, and my stomach doesn't want to let up on turning. I still have a talent show to audition for today. I know I'll be ok as far as trying out, and hopefully they will take pity on me for last night in case I do fuck up (my head is still super foggy). Aside from that, I need to go to Just Us, mostly in good taste, for the 'Simply the Best' reunion, a talent show that didn't take place and won't until next year.
I wish I could go back to bed.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Saturday, November 8th, 2008
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Tonight I asked my father a question. A long time ago, when he was younger than I am now, he rebelled against his family and decided he was too good to listen to anyone, so he moved away to Hawaii to start over. He never told me officially why he moved, but I always knew.
However, tonight I decided to I ask him about it. I asked him what was his driving force to move. He told me just as I suspected. He also said it was hard, and there were times he didn't eat because he didn't have the money to. He was grateful for the friends he had acquired while out there, or else he wouldn't have made it day to day. He said, at first, he wouldn't do it again. I pointed out that it was a risk, and an experience I bet he was grateful to have. He agreed to a point, and retracted his previous statement. He changed it to "I would do it again, but I would do it differently". I made the suggestions "looking for a possible place to live, secure a job and a way of transportation before settling the move". He agreed 100%.
He doesn't know why I asked, and in a day or two he might ask me, as is his way. But if he's smart, he'll know why.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Monday, October 20th, 2008
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Tuesday I return from the state of California. For such a long time I prayed and cried to be back here to live, to breathe and be born again into the familiar lands of my childhood. There have been times I would have given anything to be back.
Something has changed in me.
Before I stepped on board that plane in Gulfport bound for Houston, I knew I was coming back. There were days before I boarded that I thought maybe, just maybe I would touch California soil and remain. I would have my belongings shipped from Mississippi to my new home and kiss the South goodbye.
If I learned nothing else while being out here, it's that you have to fix yourself in order to be happy. It's often not where you live or who you know, but how you feel about and view yourself. You have to fix the damage inside before you can be happy with anything else, and running off to another part of the country isn't going to do that. I've been chasing a past, a feeling from my childhood that no longer exists and will never return to me. It's in my memories, and that's where it's going to stay. I can't recreate what I've lost, only make new memories.
My time isn't quite done in Mississippi. When it is, I don't know where I will go, but there is doubt that California will ever be my permanent home again. After all, it's not the center of the universe.
There are just too many damned illegal Mexicans.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Tuesday, September 16th, 2008
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Not many people will understand this, in fact most will probably think I am insane, which is fine...I kind of don't give a damn.
Over the last year, things of mine every so often turn up missing. Some things I never find, like my shaving cream and a couple razors. Once my toothbrush disappeared and ended up somewhere I would never put it (keep in mind I interrogated the family and they had no idea about any of these items. They aren't the type to take my shit and NEVER TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE) and the toothpaste I am partial to disappeared as well. And it only seems to be my stuff.
Well, as of two days ago my jeans have gone missing. Straight out of my closet. Seriously, WTF. There is no reason why anyone in this house would take my fucking jeans. I even looked through my parents clothes while they weren't home, in the laundry room, and tore my own room apart. For the life of me, I have no idea where they are. Which leaves me with one option.
There is a gnome in my house, stealing my stuff.
If you see this little bugger, tell him to give me my shit back, because seriously...I'm not amused.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Friday, August 22nd, 2008
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Slowly but surely I'm beginning to believe my time in Mississippi is coming to an end. Not immediately, not even sure if it'll be a couple years from now, but I know in my heart I won't be here forever. I feel a very large disconnect, a deep longing and sadness for something else. I'm not even certain what I'm looking for, maybe just something more.
Where would I go? I don't know. California is an option, primarily because I have so much family still there, but there are other options. I don't know for sure just now, I just know that my calling here is just about at it's end.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Sunday, August 17th, 2008
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Sorry to everyone who expected to see me last night (Saturday), and those I didn't return calls to. I was dealing with something personal. Hope you understand. Love you guys.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
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Ever have those times in life when so much is going on, but really nothing at all? That's a bit how I feel. So much drama with others, and even a little with myself, yet nothing is progressing or moving forward. It's an explosion of human emotion.
I suppose what's oddest to me is how two situations with two different people have so many similarities (including where they are originally from) I wonder if they got together and fabricated this story on purpose just to make me go nuts. I don't know how or why I'm drawn to either, but I open my ears and offer a shoulder regardless, despite the fact that in doing so I can likely be caught in a crossfire. And I find I'm not willing to do that for everyone, not even some of my friends. But I'm just compelled to let them know they aren't alone and have someone willing to hear their grievances about life and their fucked up situations, each to it's own level of insanity.
So where am I in all the madness and drama? No where really. I'm simply floating on my own line, waiting to get scooped up. I have one thing going on that I'm handling, handling the best way my heart and head will allow (which both are currently in the largest arguement they've ever had with one another). Pain is inevitable, just like anything involving the chest cavity, but it's nothing I won't survive.
Rinse and repeat.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Ok, I'm attractive sometimes. I'll admit it. And yes, I was at the Hard Rock with a drink in my hand standing looking like a piece of covered meat (my cleavage wasn't showing that much...). But God diddly dammit, there are some things I have no patience for. Like touching me when you don't even know my name. It's not just a touch, but a touch beneath the arm and a half assed caress. And you wonder why I jump away like you bit me? Mother fucker, I don't even know you! You have no right to put your hands anywhere on my body. I'm generally polite, so I still introduced myself like any sane, interracial woman would while containing the ethnic "No you did-nt!" urge (and it was there). I also toned down the "get the fuck out of my space" look in my eyes because I didn't want to embarrass him too badly in front of his boys.
But he comes back, and not only grabs my friend by the arm and pushes her out of the way to get to me, but touches my leg. Oh. Hell. No. Ghetto black girl was right at the surface ready to start some shit with this dumbass who thought he was smooth with his 300 lbs self. Arm is one thing, and I made it kind of clear I didn't want him touching me after that. But the leg? No no no no no no no no no. Get a clue jackass, I ain't interested.
Fuck, men piss me off. Even the ones I'm currently digging. Too complicated, too much work. Is it really worth it to get some penis? I think I will have to test out this theory over the next month and make my conclusion in 30 days...
I wish I didn't lie and say I wasn't interested in a serious relationship. I think I'm just scared. Yeah. Seriousness is scary.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Tuesday, February 26th, 2008
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Ok, today I got a speeding ticket. Still pissed about that. Still looking to get out of it.
BUT! Something fucking hilarious happened. I get an out of the blue message from someone I knew from the Stairs, who took me off his friends list long ago. We never talked, so it was fine.
We do some chit chat in message, but he does drop the bomb that he isn't getting much sex. This sends up a red flag, but I keep going to see what the real reason for the message is (I'm thinking he wants some time of playtime with me, but I try not to inflate my ego that much). He asked for my AIM SN and I give it. He messages me...and this is the conversation that ensues...
(Changed his real SN to protect his identity...even though I should probably post it everywhere just to be a mean bitch.)
Turdsandwich: hi there
Arisa Kiriagawa: Hey hey.
Arisa Kiriagawa: You found me ^^
Turdsandwich: sure
Turdsandwich: did
Turdsandwich: was hopin u were naked
Arisa Kiriagawa: Nah, I've got three layers of clothing under this knight armor I'm wearing
Arisa Kiriagawa: There's always the imagination
Turdsandwich: yeah but pics are better
Arisa Kiriagawa: I don't have any naked pics, sorry :P
Turdsandwich: well take some
Arisa Kiriagawa: No, I'm shy. My body is a temple and only to be worshipped by dedicated followers. I don't think you're ready to sign the contract in blood
Turdsandwich: sure not just ready to get naked
Turdsandwich: sure not just ready to get naked
Arisa Kiriagawa: That's what your girlfriend is for isn't it?
Turdsandwich: but i wanna see what u got
Arisa Kiriagawa: Right, but *I* don't want you to see what I've got. :P
Turdsandwich: no fun
Arisa Kiriagawa: Nope, I'm a conservative spoil sport.
Turdsandwich: pretty much
Arisa Kiriagawa: I hope that's not the only reason you looked me up, because you'll be sorely disappointed
Turdsandwich: yeah that was about the only reason
Arisa Kiriagawa: LoL. Welp, sorry to disappoint ..
Turdsandwich: sure u are
Arisa Kiriagawa: Yeah, you're right, I'm kinda not
Turdsandwich: see told ya....gosh all iwanted to do was fuck the hell outta you
Arisa Kiriagawa: That's flattering, but I have a little more respect for myself than that. I don't do casual hook ups with people who are already committed.
Turdsandwich: u should try me once u might like
Arisa Kiriagawa: Maybe, but the circumstances just ain't right.
Turdsandwich: yes they are...u want dick...and i want it inside u
Arisa Kiriagawa: Again, oh so flattering, but I prefer to be romantically swept off my feet and then give up the goods.
Then Turdsandwich ran off to cry and jerk off.
After this, I did some investing and it turns out the profile he messaged me with is a secondary page that states he is single and his only 9 friends. And no where is his girlfriend. So, obviously, that tells me he ain't nothin' but a lyin' cheat. My instincts don't lie...
A lesson to you guys. This is NOT how you charm a womans' panties off. KTHXBAI
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Comments: 8 wounds - Bite me.
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Friday, February 22nd, 2008
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Rocki, Matt, Jerry, Edward, Mandy, Will, Stephanie, Cherie, James, Theresa, Ian, Sarah, Butters, Steve, PJ, Sean.......
I miss you guys :(
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Comments: 7 wounds - Bite me.
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Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008
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Dear America,
We're in some serious shit. Ignoring it this time isn't going to make it go away. Other countries aren't just laughing at us anymore, but they are pitying us. It's pointless pointing fingers because the blame goes to multiple areas, some of which we can't actively control. Hopefully we'll make it out alive.
Dear Presidental Candidates,
Seriously, you all suck. Perhaps you'll be better than what we have, but looking at you without that comparison, all I can think about is children at a playground. Go climb some monkey bars or something. I don't have faith in you or America right now, only God and Jesus. All I pray for is that they make my death quick and painless.
If I die a virgin, I'm blaming Bush. Cause, you know, everything is his fault.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Thursday, January 10th, 2008
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To all those who have missed me/wondered what happened to me/who don't really care but are reading this, trying to remember who this is....
Sorry about the last two weeks. I kinda disappeared. The first week I was pretty much due to displacement in my friends' home because I had family here who slept in my room (per my own gracious offering) and said friends' home had no computer or intranet. So I couldn't contact anyone via net which also meant...
No RP games.
So to those of Landels and Epitaph, I apologize for the disappearance. Even though I was back in my own space last week, I haven't felt like jumping online until today. Just kinda felt....blah, you know? Anyway, I'll be back on the ball in a day or two. Just got to catch up with all that's been going down.
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Comments: 6 wounds - Bite me.
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Tuesday, December 18th, 2007
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| Time: | 12:26 am. |
| Music: | White Christmas - Silver Bells (Doris Day). |
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I have once again allowed a cat to adopt me. I couldn't help it. It wandered all plump and full of affection my car port while I was on the phone. I originally thought it was the other cat that came onto our property that adopted us and then disappeared. This one is different now that I got a closer look and feel of it's fur. By then unfortunately, I had already given it the milk from my cereal, thus the adoption was sealed. It's a bit larger than the other one. It appears well fed (telling me someone owns it) but has no collar (which doesn't surprise me). I can't tell what gender it is and don't want to mess around with it too much lest it attack me. It's been more than a week since I last saw it until tonight when I caught it sleeping on the carport snuggled on one of the chairs by the door.
So of course I gave it food, milk and affection. I'm too soft. I don't even really like cats. I think I just like cats that are affectionate. If only they came when I called them they'd be awesome.
In other news, I'll be going to some nursing homes and entertaining the elderly. I may be on TV so look out for me!
I also dyed my hair. It pretty much back to my original dark brown color, though it almost looks black sometimes (stupid dye...). In a few weeks I might try and make it a little lighter. We'll see. I've got other things to worry about right now. Like money.
My family are the only ones I'm getting presents for right now, and even with them I'm being a little thrifty. I love them and everything, but I'm also trying to go to school so I can GTFO of this house and to a place of my own. I think that would be the greatest gift ever to them. :)
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Comments: Bite me.
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Friday, December 14th, 2007
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| Subject: | 2012 |
| Time: | 11:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  annoyed. | | Music: | Fall out Boy - This ain't a scene, it's an arms race. |
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I try not to judge people too harshly, but should I feel the least bit sorry for someone who 'accidentally' got pregnant at 19, had a miscarriage, and is probably pregnant again at 21 who was not on Birth Control for 2+ months and did not use any form of birth control whatsoever to prevent this pregnancy that obviously wasn't suppose to happen?
There is so much birth control out there, so many ways to protect yourself, I find it absolutely fascinating how people still manage to get pregnant and go "oops...my bad, I didn't think it'd happen to me".
When I look at people like her and Britney Spears, and everything else going on in the world, I realize 2012 is a real possibility.
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Comments: 1 wound - Bite me.
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Thursday, November 22nd, 2007
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It's taken me awhile to understand that to be happy with people, to be friends with people, and to stay civil with relatives, you must love them and be tolerant of them for their good points and forgive them for their faults. They will occasionally annoy you, irritate you, make you want to shoot yourself, do something so ridiculous you don't understand how they walk and chew gum at the same time (and depending on the person, they might not be able to accomplish that feat, either), or even make you want to go postal on the world. Sometimes we have to remember that they probably feel the same way about us. It's easy to cut someone out of your life because you're bothered by their current behavior (some behavior is hard to forgive, even impossible to forgive, but if they are a true friend this generally won't occur, but I disgress), but it takes a stronger person to forgive and work to keep the relationship strong, and continue to make it stronger. Instead of focusing on the wrong they've done, we need to zoom in and remember the right, the good times had and the good feelings that came with it.
I've come to some trial and errors in this field, and slowly learning from my mistakes. I've made this revelation toward my current relationships and now work to hold to what I preach. I obviously can't make my friends do the same for me, but for those who already have I love you dearly and appreciate you immensely for continuing to see the good in me. All relationships are tough to maintain, but it takes both sides to keep the bond solid.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Monday, October 29th, 2007
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So....What's everyone doing this Wednesday? Me?
.....
I got nothin'.
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Comments: 2 wounds - Bite me.
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Thursday, October 18th, 2007
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I slept, and slept pretty hard. I'm still tired and a bit draggy this morning, but an improvement from yesterday. The pummeling of the ocean has caught up with me. I intended to workout this morning, but I'm just too listless. Other things still weighing heavily on my mind, but I'm calm enough to think with a clear head.
Today I go see Michael McDonald at the Beau, my fathers treat. When he offered, I totally didn't expect it, but it's a wonderful gesture. Hopefully it'll be a good time.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
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Regarding the last post, if you want to come, good. If not, DON'T FUCKING COME. I don't want to feel like I'm twisting anyones' God damn leg into spending time with me. I had a great day with just two of my friends today, and if I have to I'll paint the town red by myself. I. Don't. Need. It.
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Comments: Bite me.
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Sunday, September 23rd, 2007
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I feel disconnected from you guys. Ever got the feeling that no one gave half a shit about you when you 'walked' into a 'room'? That's how I feel. I suppose part of it is my fault. In fact, I *know* it is, but it's not like I haven't tried, either. Maybe you just don't click with me. I have other interests and a life that take primary presidence rather than the fandoms we chat and play with. I'm not familiar with more than half of what you talk about and barely have the time to stay involved with what I have going on already.
I'll try one more time. I'll try better.
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Comments: Bite me.
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dreams_within's journal
jubilant.
contemplative.
artistic.
pessimistic.